Sunday, July 02, 2006

FOOTBALL?

I tried to call my daughter last week but reached some alien instead. Amid the noise and yelling in the background, I barely heard someone who sounded like my girl say, “Sorry, Mom, I can’t talk right now, football is on.” I stared dumbly into the phone thinking about the child who would rather have a root canal than watch sports on TV, and said,

“Eva, is that you?” with an edge of panic in my voice. Screams erupted from the phone, but when she could speak again she said,

“Can you call me later?” and then she repeated the words I though were a joke before, “I’m watching football.”

I hung up and realized that it had happened. My daughter has forgotten she was not actually born British. I had been suspicious when I had tried to call her a few days before, right as she was getting ready to enter the tube at King’s Cross. She only had a minute before the phone would be out of range, but she mentioned that it was horribly hot. When I hung up I checked the London weather. It was 30C, or 86F as we like to say in the US, but only because no one has a clue what Celsius really means. It was currently 97 (36 and change in Celsius) in Virginia that afternoon, a fairly normal summer temperature. Eva loves the summer heat, and lived in Florida for two and a half years. In Tallahassee the summer temperatures average around the same as a nice cup of tea after you add the milk, and the humidity is like sticking your head in the cup.

I did not delay, I bought her a plane ticket for a visit home and she will arrive on July 5 for a nice long holiday. I hope she still recognizes us.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Make the punishment fit the crime

Ah, poetic justice...

This is why 'elders' are so much cooler than a boring old 'judiciary'.

Monday, February 27, 2006

Gerald Doody - a life in headwear

My father's 60th birthday was last Saturday, and along with the predictable sides of the family celebration (heroic quantities of red wine (REALLY heroic - one of the cards was from the Bordeaux region of France. It read, simply, "Thank you."), sister trying to relieve herself on a radiator - you get the idea),
there were photographs around the place of my dad, from childhood, through excited new father, through more jaded, experienced father, to the patriarch we all know and fear today.


One running theme that you couldn't help but notice from the pictures was that every now and again, my father seems to feel the need to experiment with non-traditional headwear. I draw no conclusions, but leave the pictures to tell their own story.



It may look odd, but Dad is now worshipped as a god in some parts of Tibet.I'm a midnight toker...No, I haven't seen the bin.
Luckily, Lucy had her camera.  Otherwise, no one would have believed her story about the fairies.
And just for good measure, here's one of him as a serial killer. A serial killer on holiday.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Chessboxing


The first European Chessboxing Championship held Oct. 1 at the Salon Ost in Berlin resulted in a decisive win for Bulgarian Tihomir "Tigertad" Titschko against Berliner Andreas "D" Schneider. The victory came in the chess portion of the event.


Chessboxing combines top physical and mental sports in a game that demands the most from its opponents. Chessboxer athletes endure four-minute rounds of chess and two-minute boxing rounds with a maximum of 11 rounds. Either a K.O. or checkmate will lead to a victory.


As those who play either sport can attest, the mental and physical challenges of chess and boxing can be extremely taxing, let alone combined in a way that is more than nerve-wracking than one would imagine.


...


Read the complete article

Friday, September 09, 2005

Two examples of racism

Both in the US mainstream media, and both highlighted on Language Log, a blog where some rather illustrious linguists hang out.


1) The use of 'bushman' as a derogatory term, like 'savage', by Mark Helprin in the Wall Street Journal:


Our politics and policies have somehow been parceled out to opportunists like Michael Moore--purveyor of conspiracy theories and hatreds, whose presentation, unclean in every respect, is honored nonetheless by the controlling rump of Democrats--and to Bushmen like "Kip" Hawley of Homeland Security, father of the proposal to allow carry-on ice-picks, bows and arrows, and knives with blades up to five-inches long.



Quoted and discussed by Mark Libermann, who notes en passant* that 'bushman' in its literal sense has been seen as derogatory, but is prefered by bushmen to the term 'san'. (Because 'san' is a derogatory word used by the neighbouring Khoi people for Bushmen. He doesn't mention the use of 'Khoisan' to refer to both together, but I would imagine that's worse.)

I like his concluding paragraphs:


But Helprin isn't using Bushmen literally. Instead, he seems to be using it to mean something like "uncivilized people who thinks that the way to solve problems is to give everybody more weapons". This is ungenerous, not to say offensive, given that the culture of the Bushmen/San/Khoe/Basarwa seems to be rather on the gentle side.


A traditional solution to this problem is to use the word Neandert(h)al. This has the advantage of referring to no living people (unless you're one of those who believes that modern Europeans are part Neandertal), but it has the disadvantage of being founded on an unjustified prejudice against people with brow ridges and weak chins.


A more rational solution would be use the name of the American political group now most associated with interest in weapons, namely Republicans. To provide anatomical balance with his prior use of the phrase "rump of Democrats", perhaps Helprin should have written "brain-dead Republicans". Indeed, to increase the degree of anatomical and neurological parallelism, he might have contrasted the "numb rump of Democrats" who honor Michael Moore with the "brain-dead Republicans" who want to see hijackers and airline passengers fighting it out with bayonets and crossbows. Of course, I suggest this purely as an matter of abstract rhetorical balance, not to express any political opinion or any derogation of Mr. Hawley.




2) Geoff Nunberg finds statistical evidence that the word 'refugee' is being used disproportionately to describe poor, black people affected by Hurricane Katrina:


In Nexis wire service articles mentioning Katrina over the past week, articles containing evacuee outnumber those containing refugee by 56% to 44% (n=1522). But in contexts in which the words appear within 10 words of poor or black, refugee is favored by 68% to 32% (n=85). And in contexts in which the words appear within ten words of Astrodome, refugee is favored by 63% to 37% (n=461).



Those disparities likely reflect the image of refugees as poor, bedraggled, and abandoned, which would make the word seem apt to describe the people getting off the buses at the Astrodome. That stereotype may be unfair and invidious in its own right, as George Rupp, the CEO of the Interntional Rescue Committee, was saying this morning on WNYC's Bryan Lehrer Show, where I was also a guest. But the way the press is using the word refugee now hardly does much to dispel the stereotype. And while there may be polemical reasons for advocates of the displaced to use the term, the way Woodie Guthrie did in his song "Dust Bowl Refugee," that's hardly what the media are getting at when they use it, or what President Bush was thinking of when he objected to the use of the term the other day.



It's strange for me to find myself agreeing with the-liar-and-war-criminal-in-the-White-House about anything of substance politically. Still, it's impressive how insensitively he managed to put it:


President Bush, who has spent days trying to deflect criticism that he responded sluggishly to the disaster, weighed in on Tuesday. "The people we're talking about are not refugees," he said. "They are Americans and they need the help and love and compassion of our fellow citizens." (from the Washington Post)



One final point. I don't mean to seem as though I only criticise people from the US, despite this post and my previous post here. This just seems to be a suitable forum when I have something to say about North American life. On my own blog I lay into East Asian politicians, and in my personal life I complain about the people around me...




* I was going to write 'in passing', but then I remembered on whose blog I'm writing. I'll try to work 'checkmate', 'stalemate' and, especially, 'zugzwang' into future posts.

Monday, August 29, 2005

Who The Hell Tested The First Parachute?

According to Wikipedia:

"A few medieval documents record the use of parachute-like devices to allow a person to fall (somewhat) safely from a height. In 852, an Andalusian daredevil named Armen Firman jumped from a tower in Cordoba using a loose cloak stiffened with wooden struts to arrest his fall, sustaining only minor injuries. In 1178, another Muslim attempted a similar feat in Constantinople, but he broke several bones and later died of his injuries. According to Joseph Needham there were working parachutes in China as early as the twelfth century.

Leonardo da Vinci sketched a parachute while he was living in Milan around 1485. However, the idea of the parachute may not have originated with him: the historian Lynn White has discovered an anonymous Italian manuscript from about 1470 that depicts two designs for a parachute, one of which is very similar to da Vinci's. The first known test of such a parachute was made in 1617 in Venice by the Croatian inventor Faust Vrančić."


Two things leap out here - the word "injuries" turning up shortly after the first couple of goes, and the fact that, although Leonardo da Vinci may have sketched a parachute, there is no record of him strapping on a makeshift prototype and hurling himself off the Leaning Tower of Pisa. This is why he is still remembered as a genius, while history does not record the name of our unfortunate Constantinople wannabe. I like to think of him as Jumpy McDoomed.

Actually, this started as a straight stand-up rhetorical question. I had visions of some mad inventor embarrassing himself and his wife: "Is that your husband on the roof, Mrs Parachute?" "Oh, no, not again - Bob! Come down! And what have you done the curtains?" Wheeeeeeeeeeee! THUMP.

Looking it up, though, was rather fun. Jean-Pierre Blanchard demonstrated it as a way of 'disembarking' (seems a rather downbeat term for defying the laws of God, but there you go) from a hot air balloon. I thought I had my man, until I read on to discover that he used his dog in the demonstrations. No fool he. He didn't actually use one himself until his balloon ruptured one day 8 years later and he needed it to escape. That, to me, is key: needing to escape from something. That's when a parachute should be considered an option, not when you're wondering if there might be some way of getting down from the top of a lighthouse that's faster and more dangerous than the stairs, or when you want to send kids with leukaemia to Disneyland but have become bored of sponsored runs.

Anyway, it seems that, whoever the first human was to test a parachute, the first dog was almost certainly Jean-Pierre Blanchard's hapless hound. Wikipedia doesn't give his or her name, but 1785 is a lot of dog years ago so we can be fairly sure he or she is no longer with us. Still, our thoughts are with you, proud predecessor to Laika - you paved the way for dozens of animals to break barriers in aeronautics. Whether they wanted to or not.

When the Doodys Co-Write

Looking through some old posts on Ben's blog last night, we rediscovered this, hidden away in the comments. It was credited to Eva, but we both wrote it, giggling as we went. The comment was one of several responding to the imminent plans for Virginia to introduce legislation banning low-slung trousers - the notorious 'Droopy Drawers Bill'.

As a woman – and a right-thinking, God-fearing one (If you doubt my right-thinking or God fearing credentials, I refer you to the crucifixes around my bed. Three tons of pine and a whole lot of Jesus don’t lie.) - I believe that no woman should ever be allowed to dress in a way that is provocative to any man.

Point 1) I saw this girl dancing, all sexy like, and I definitely believe that she was trying to seduce every man in the room. Dancing should be banned. Or if not banned, very very very* frowned upon. And those hokey-pokeying heathen sluts at the skating rink should be ashamed of themselves.

Point 2) Why do these women feel the need to show off every part of their sexy, sumptuous, beautiful, fleshy, drooly-upon...I mean...horrible, sinful bodies!!! What are they thinking, those sexy, slutty, "What, you want me to lick you?!?" ... I mean disgusting, non-Bible-loving whores!!!! What are they trying to do to the minds of our young, wholesome, firm-muscled boys??? Sometimes I just despair – it’ll be their knees next!!! And you people who say I’m like the Taliban? Well, I looked that word up (sounded kind of foreign) and I have to say, I am nothing like those liberal good-for-nothings!! Showing those seductive eyes off like some kind of perfumed ninja? Hey, this is Mechanicsville, not Sexville!!!!

Point 3) I forgot this point, but I swear, it was really angry, judgemental and good!

Point 4) Has anyone ever thought about cats? I mean, they walk around naked all the time!!! Shouldn't they be wearing pants by now? Does anyone feel the shame that I do when looking at a filthy, naked cat just wandering around the block like it owns the place?!?! Well, Mister Kitty-Cat, you DON’T own the place. I do – and I’ll have you know I’m a goshdarned fine land-lady, provided my tenants observe the 47 simple rules posted on every door. And the Ten Commandments, of course. (By the way, Little Boy Johnson, I know it was you who put the devil horns on the picture of Jesus mowed into my lawn. Not that I’m judging. Only God judges. And he judges YOU!!! To Hell, if I’m any judge – which as I have just explained, I am most certainly not!!!!!!!!!!)

Point 5) [Takes off glasses dramatically] Good day to you, Sir!

Point 6) I said, ‘Good Day!’ !!!!!!

If anyone agrees with the outrage that I feel right now, please, let us join a letter writing campaign!! Just send $100 to evaaa @ hotmail.com and I'll spend all of my days writing away to senators, congressmen, cat owners, a certain Mister Johnson, etc., to let them know how we feel!!!

*VERY VERY VERY VERY, VERY

Friday, August 26, 2005

Propaganda In A Free Society

This is an excellent article describing some of the techniques the media use to form an illusory consensus. It's more important now than ever, with Blair consistently and with breathtaking arrogance (including, sometimes, practically claiming psychic abilities) denying ANY link between Western actions abroad and Islamic terrorism, to bear in mind the subtle and not-so-subtle ways this is made to seem normal, or at least defensible.